~ Blog ~
today i went to the coast to walk along the local harbour.
it was so windy that it eerily howled by the boats and that my head hurt by the end of the walk.
but i have been laying in bed the past two days and not really stepping outside,
so it was really good to get some fresh air and move my body for a change.
when i got home i warmed some milk so i could make hot chocolate,
and then i put on "eternal sunshine of the spotless mind", which is one of my absolute favourite movies.
it was really nice to do something nice for myself -
i feel like i’ve had a lot of days recently where i’ve just gotten too much in my own head and not done anything pleasurable.
or i have been doing stuff i technically enjoy, but in a way where i haven’t really felt that great while doing it,
which has been a bit odd.
these past few weeks has gone by so quickly too imo.
one week i’m laying in bed and another i’m having plans every day.
it’s so hard to balance not doing enough and doing too much.
so i’ve been very exhausted lately (but that’s not really something new tbh).
i’ve also had fun though, it’s not that - i’ve been to a lot of concerts, hung out a bit with friends and family and tended to some of my hobbies!
i just tend to accidentally plan things too much at a time, so i get so tired when i’m done and end up taking multiple days to recover my energy.
a kinda bigger life update is that i’m starting at my new school on monday
- which has been a bit daunting for me to think about. the process of getting a “green card” to start has been taking much longer than what it should have though,
because apparently my application papers didn’t go through, however it finally did. thankfully i only have two weeks of school before the christmas break begins.
so i get a bit of a taste of how it is to attend school again, before getting a break and then going back to it in the new year.
i’m a bit worried of how it’s gonna go though, since i’ve been so depleted of energy for a long while,
that i don’t know if i can go back to school without experiencing burnout again.
i will be starting out with a decreased amount of school days, which hopefully helps.
so, wish me luck!
also: i’ve been wanting to update my site with texts and begin posting blog entries,
but every time i try to write i feel like it’s “not good enough”, which is so weird,
because this site is literally just for me to dump out things about me and my interests -
so i’ve been kinda frustrated with myself because of that.
hopefully i can get a bit away from that negative mindset and just post stuff,
even though the back of my mind says it’s messy,
worded weirdly or not good enough. my personal irl journal is like that though;
messy, worded weirdly and all over the place with different tangents,
so i don’t know why i want this blog to be different when this is just my thoughts too and how my mind works in general.
but i know that i feel this way because this is public, yet i also want to feel like that’s okay.
i really gotta get better at being more vulnerable
- a big part of me is so caught up in not wanting people to know what i actually think and feel and how my thought processes are.
but on another more positive note; i’m so happy with how the site is getting along!
i’m slowly but surely getting around to making the pages i want to make and improving things here and there.
working on the site has also motivated me to be more creative again, which you can see by the art i’ve made and put in :]
i’ve been really hyper-focused on the site in general, which has been really awesome tbh, it’s been so much fun and can’t wait to work further on it!
i have so much stuff planned out :3
with that i will be concluding my very first blog entry! this got a bit long, but that's how it goes when i have a lot on my mind.
hopefully i will be better at writing more without any self-judgement tho
- bear